


The Rules

by supergrover24



Category: Smallville
Genre: Domestic, Future Fic, Kid Fic, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-01-26
Updated: 2004-01-26
Packaged: 2017-11-08 07:39:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/440816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/supergrover24/pseuds/supergrover24
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The swear jar. And Clark and Lex have a kid.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Rules

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Six Scary Stories about Clark and Lex's First Date](https://archiveofourown.org/works/353463) by [HYPERFocused](https://archiveofourown.org/users/HYPERFocused/pseuds/HYPERFocused). 



> Challenges: [A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words](http://www.stupidcircumstances.com/picture.htm), [](http://muse-attack.livejournal.com/profile)[**muse_attack**](http://muse-attack.livejournal.com/) ’s Lex wants a baby challenge, and this also fits [](http://emrinalexander.livejournal.com/profile)[**emrinalexander**](http://emrinalexander.livejournal.com/) ’s Chrismukkah request for domestic Clex.  
> A/N: This story takes place in what has come to be known as EllaVerse, based on a story [](http://hyperfocused.livejournal.com/profile)[**hyperfocused**](http://hyperfocused.livejournal.com/) wrote a few months ago and let me use as a basis for this. That story, [Six Scary Stories of Clark and Lex’s First Date](http://www.livejournal.com/users/hyperfocused/34874.html), doesn’t have to be read to understand this story, but you should anyway, because it’s funny and good. Thanks to betas [](http://ilexa.livejournal.com/profile)[**ilexa**](http://ilexa.livejournal.com/) and [](http://hyperfocused.livejournal.com/profile)[**hyperfocused**](http://hyperfocused.livejournal.com/). Picture behind the cut-tag.  
>  (The picture was a big jar of coins.)

_Rule #1: There shall be no swearing in the Luthor-Kent Household, or any of its vehicles._

"What the hell does this mean, Clark?"

Clark sighed. "That is exactly what the rule is referring to. We need to stop swearing in front of Ella."

"What?" Lex rose from behind his desk and crossed over to Clark’s. "Ella is thirteen months old. We don’t need to worry about this quite yet."

"No? She said ‘shit’ this morning, y’know."

Lex smiled the smile of proud parents everywhere. "She did? Precocious little thing, isn’t she?"

Clark glared at him. "She said it to my mother, Lex."

"And what was Martha’s reaction?" Lex imagined a forgiving smile, perhaps an attempt at hiding soft laughter, all the while reprimanding Ella.

"She yelled at me. Me! For something that’s your fault." Clark poked Lex’s chest with his finger. "I tried apologizing but it was no use."

"She yelled? Martha doesn’t yell, she speaks softly and carries a big stick." Lex knew that Clark was exaggerating, at least a bit. "But I’m sorry you had to deal with something I may have caused, albeit inadvertently."

"So, you admit you need to watch your mouth?" Bright green eyes widened unfairly.

Lex backed away, crossing his arms defensively. "I’ll be more careful in Ella’s presence. That’s it."

"My father said that this proved she was a Luthor child." Clark didn’t add that Jonathan was chuckling as he said it. And that he thought Ella would grow up with Chloe’s inability to keep her mouth shut.

Lex’s eyes narrowed. "Fine," he said tersely. "No swearing in the house. Or the cars."

_Rule #2: Swearing is defined as any word or phrase that would cause Martha Kent to threaten to wash out the speaker’s mouth with soap._

"At least one rule makes sense in this whole asinine mess," Lex muttered.

"Lex!" Clark glared, yet again. "Why can’t you obey the rules? For the sake of your daughter"

"Damn superhearing." Lex smirked. "Asinine is NOT a swear word, reporter boy."

"It sounds enough like one to a baby!"

Lex just laughed. "That’s the most _asinine_ thing I’ve heard today."

Clark blushed, ducking his head to fiddle with his pen. "It is, isn’t it?" He looked up and gave Lex a shy smile. "I might be getting a little carried away."

"Just a little." Lex ran his hand through Clark’s hair. "But it’s understandable. I’m sure by the time we have another Luthor-Kent running around here, we’ll be old pros."

Clark swallowed heavily. "Another?"

_Rule #3: Violators of Rule #1 will be required to pay penance to the swear jar. Five dollars for every infraction that takes place in front of Ella; one dollar if she is not around to hear it._

"Five dollars? That’s highway robbery!"

Clark hooked his fingers through Lex’s belt loops, pulling him to stand between his legs. "Lex, you’re the richest man in Kansas. I think you can afford it."

Lex snorted. "I’m one of the richest men in the country, Clark, not just Kansas. It’s the principle of the matter. Five dollars is too much."

"You want to lecture _me_ on principle?" Clark said incredulously. "Me? Superman. Truth, justice, the American way?"

"No, I don’t want to lecture. I want to negotiate the cost of a swear word." He nudged Clark’s legs farther apart before he twisted around to sit on the floor between them, grabbing the pad and pen Clark had been using as he did so. "Now, how about a flat rate of two-fifty?"

Clark didn’t say anything; too busy staring at the pen moving in and out of Lex’s mouth.

"Yeah, you’re right. It’s unfair to force our guests to pay that much." In and out. In and out. "Hmmm." A flash of pink as Lex’s tongue swirled around the end of the pen. "One dollar in Ella’s presence, and fifty cents if she’s not around. How does that sound?"

Clark cleared his throat as he loosened the collar of his shirt. "Sounds great."

_Revised Rule #3: Violators of Rule #1 will be required to pay penance to the swear jar. One dollar for every infraction that takes place in front of Ella; fifty cents if she is not around to hear it._

Lex titled his head back, exposing the long column of his neck. "Clark? You okay?"

Clark blinked, trying to clear his thoughts. "I’m fine." He kissed Lex’s temple. "How are you?"

The whisper of lips on his skin sent shivers throughout Lex’s body. "I’m good." He craned his head back and captured Clark’s mouth with a quick kiss. "I’m very good, in fact." Lex curled his hand around Clark’s neck, pulling their bodies closer, his tongue slipping out to tease Clark’s mouth open.

Their simultaneous moans were cut short by a piercing wail resonating throughout the penthouse.

"Damn it," Lex muttered.

Clark lightly slapped Lex’s arm as he disentangled himself so he could get Ella. "That’s fifty cents you owe. I’ll have to find a jar to put the money in."

Lex followed him to Ella’s nursery, admiring the way the khakis outlined the curve of Clark’s ass. Sighing mentally, he pulled out his wallet, rifling through it as Clark changed the baby’s diaper.

"I don’t have anything smaller than a fifty." Lex tucked it into Clark’s front pocket, stealing a grope as he did so. "Consider it pre-payment on future lapses of control."

"Lex," Clark groaned. "That defeats the purpose of the swear jar. Here, she’s almost asleep." He handed Ella over to Lex and started cleaning up the changing table. "You won’t learn to watch your language that way."

"But I never have small bills!" Lex put Ella back in her crib, and grabbed Clark’s belt loop again and pulled him to their bedroom. "C’mon," he whispered. "She’s sleeping. I want to fuck you now."

"I think we’re going to need a new rule," Clark grinned.

_Rule #4: Swearing is allowed in the bedroom only, provided Ella is not present._  



End file.
